So why the hell support Rochdale?

If you’ve ever read an article in the London-based press about Rochdale A.F.C., you are most likely to be struck by some re-occuring themes. Now, as any self-respecting Gracie Fields-worshipping, pie-loving, sado-masichist Northern monkey knows; we support Rochdale to be “kicked in the bollocks” every week, to be patronised on a regular basis by smarmy national newspapers, or, the most common reason, just because we’re too stupid to know any different.

Man United? Never heard of em! I only come to Dale cos they do good pies, me! I hear sometimes they have football on, but most times I fall asleep listening to Lisa Stansfield on my cassette player while simultaneously feeding my whippet bovril from a flat cap. Ooh, is that a racing pigeon?

We’re just a bunch of weavers from the foothills of the Pennines us, won’t do no-one no harm and we’ll even offer you a nice cup of tea (not Yorkshire tea) while you think up clichés about Cyril Smith when there’s supposed to be a match on. Here’s my bollocks guv, want to give them a kick?

And when we’ve finished with our weekly dose of drudgery from our quaint little stadium, it’s back off to work in the mills for tuppence an hour and if we’re lucky we might be able to sneak a few cotton rags home to clothe our babbies. Ooh it’s a tough life but I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

And people say we’ve have 30 years without success – but I think that’s rubbish. True, we’ve never won anything, or been promoted, but we came third in the Best Pie Award one year, and that’s good enough for us! You see these other clubs like Burnley and bury and all they ever go on about is success, and winning, and I’m glad that we’ve got our feet on’t ground and our heads in’t sand. What’s the point of being promoted? It’ll only make it harder to get in your favourite seat at home matches!

Eeeh, I do love Rochdale me, especially Gracie Fields (God rest her soul). Altogether now; “Hee-hee, come on lads and lassies! The factory’s opened again! Hee-hee, come on! Ee, let’s sing for it! Sing as we go and let the world go by! Singing a song, we march along the highway. Say goodbye to sorrow. There’s always tomorrow to think of today…”